Let’s end the week with The Whisky Widow’s view of a “whisky tasting”…. Happy Friday!
The UPS truck pulls up outside my house. The driver, John, gets out and makes his way to the front porch, cautiously carrying our newest addition.
“Hey [Whisky Widow]! Here’s another one for ya… See ya soon!” You see, we’re on a first name basis now.
I smile, cradling the new bundle of my husband’s joy and say with a wink, “With any luck, not ‘til next week!” He knowingly chuckles, climbs into that huge brown beast I’ve come to think of as my husband’s personal whisky transport service, and drives away. I roll my eyes and yell to my husband that he’s got a delivery.
Now let me explain here, that at any other time I yell to my husband for any other reason, he either can’t hear me, is too busy to respond, is on the phone, or let’s face it, just plain ignores me. But when he hears this particular announcement, he comes running from whatever far corner of the house, basement, office or yard in which he was hiding to welcome his new baby.
Like a kid at Christmas, he immediately tears open the package, tossing paper and packing materials, not to mention Styrofoam peanuts that take days to pick up, all over the kitchen. The shredded cardboard box then lies lifeless and empty on the floor while he marvels at its former contents. (I think the last time he greeted me like that was when we first moved in together and were reveling in our newfound privacy… um, 8 years ago.)
Caressing its smooth, flawless skin, he already envisions… the tasting. His pupils dilate, lips part, breath catches, and a tiny bead of sweat forms on his brow. His cheeks flush and he seems to get lost for moment in the glow of this new gift from the Gods. Then he remembers himself, shakes his head as if to clear his mind and says to no one in particular, because, please understand, I ceased to exist the moment that he took the box from my hands, “Oh, I just remembered… I have to make a phone call. See you in a bit.”
He turns, and in a flash, he’s halfway to his bar, already stoked for… the tasting.
Amazingly, my husband can spend the better part of 30 minutes, or longer, with just one whisky. And as you know, there are very specific, key elements to tasting a whisky – nose, body and finish. (Ask me, when was the last time he spent 30 minutes with my very specific elements?)
Honestly, listen to these adjectives that he uses to describe whisky and tell me if you still believe that he is indeed talking about whisky…
Nose – vibrant, fresh and clean, sticky sweet, deep with hidden spices
Body – light and tingly, thick and smooth, full, velvety, creamy and hot
Finish – long and dry, warming with some bite, lingering, soothing, sweet and rich
For Christ’s sake, am I crazy? What would it take for me to get this kind of attention? And what does it say about my marriage that I wish I was a bottle of damn whisky?
Truth be told, it says the same thing that my latest gift from Scotland says.
A gift bag from the Spirited Soaps Company. Packed in a cute little jute bag are bath and body products – lotions, creams and soaps – all scented with, you guessed it, whisky.
Now, instead of my usual citrus and lavender, I can smell like Bowmore body lotion and hand cream, or Laphroiag and Ardbeg soap. An olfactory feast for the whisky lover, I’m sure. For me, not so much.
No, my husband does not actually want me to BE a bottle of whisky. That would be silly. But he obviously wouldn’t mind if I smelled and tasted like one. And I guess that answers my other question too. What would it take for me to get the same kind of attention that he lavishes upon his whisky tastings? Clearly, I just have to smell and taste like whisky. But hey, it could be worse I guess. It beats dressing up like a clichéd French maid, or dealing with some other kinky fetish, like bondage or S&M. But then again… handcuffs and a blindfold are a little exciting… I mean, might be fun…..
Join The Whisky Widow at the Whisky Guild’s upcoming 2013 tasting events:
New Jersey – March 7, 2013 – Madison Hotel, Morristown, NJ
Washington DC Whisky Cruise – April 10, 2013 – Spirit of Washington DC Cruise Ship
Boston Whisky Cruise – May 18, 2013 – Spirit of Boston Cruise Ship
New York Whisky Cruise (Whisky on the Hudson) – August 29, 2013 – Spirit of New York Cruise Ship
Join us as we gather to sample, celebrate and showcase the world’s finest whiskies. Distillers, brand ambassadors, and masters of whisky will be in attendance to guide you through sampling their spirits. With your ticket purchase, you will receive admittance to the event, a world-renown Glencairn tasting glass, gourmet buffet dinner and the opportunity to attend special Master Classes hosted by the most gifted people in the whisky industry.
Call 877-3-WHISKY ext. 107 for further information on the events and to purchase tickets.